reek of sweet

some of the "unorthodox formatting" worked, but some of it seemed like it was there only for the sake of unorthodox formatting - in the first half everything seems to have at least some kind of a purpose, but in the second half the formattings seem aimless - especially in the light of the first half. The whole poem starts getting a bit tired when I stop following the clever tricks and start wondering whether the italics on "pity" are supposed to represent something or whether the writer just ran out of typographical content.

this is a common problem when it comes to fancy formatting - it should always be the means, never the end!